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The report said that Valentine ended up with his bicycle at the bottom of a ditch after “he had to swerve to avoid the umbrellas of two French tourists walking in front of him. The bike skidded, and he lost his balance and went careening head over pedals down the side of the hill by the road.”

Valentine suffered minor injuries to his knees and hips.

“I shouldn’t have been reading a text while I was riding. That’s the wrong thing to do,” Valentine said, according to the Times. “But at least I was wearing my helmet.”

No, this isn’t a story on the last day of the Red Sox’s season about Bobby Valentine crashing a bike while swerving “to avoid the umbrellas of two French tourists” and reading a text message from Dustin Pedroia. Right?

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